My main concern? That I had been told to gain weight. I realised that there was something wrong with how my mind was working when I also realised that this terrified me. Before then I hadn’t seen anything wrong with the way I was. I had made the decision a few weeks before this happened to gain some muscle, but the type of weight gain my doctor was talking wasn’t what I had in mind- it was too rapid, “unhealthy”. I was terrified of losing control and reverting to being overweight, as I had been in my early teens. Gaining weight, as I had slowly – almost unconsciously- let my weight dip, was the scariest and most irrational thing I could have been told to do. Guess what?
I turned out to be one of the best things I have ever done, and it opened doors I hadn’t even noticed that I had closed.
And do you know what else? Certain aspects surrounding weight and eating and my body still terrify me. I was scared of not being able to go to the gym the two weeks I was on work experience. Turned out that it didn’t kill me, and in fact it probably was to my benefit; my body got a rest, and I got a chance to rethink and redesign my workouts, and I did yoga for two weeks instead of gym sessions. Needless to say I am now much more flexible.
I can write another post at some point on this topic, because I know a few who read this blog are possibly going through something similar, but for today I’m going to wrap up this post by saying this:
If you are scared to do something, then that something might be what is standing in your way of happiness. It could be something small, it could be something huge. I was scared of going on work experience, mainly, because of the disruption to my gym routine, and how I would handle it mentally. I was prepared to pass up on something that turned out to be extremely valuable, for something tiny on the scale of things.
Perhaps you’re scared of applying to uni, or stepping foot in the weights room for the first time. Maybe your fear is weight gain. Maybe, your fear is moving city or country, or proposing to your partner. Whatever your fear is, it might be a good idea to just do it. Because if you don’t, you could spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been- and that is scarier than anything.